I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
