First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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