I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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