wat bout pragnant strippers??
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
