Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
