...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
