Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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