On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
