Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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