Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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