Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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