Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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