Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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