so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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