I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
