I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
