Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Randomize
