M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
