I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
