Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
