So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
