He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
