He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
