The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
