Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
