i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
