we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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