I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
