btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
