i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
