i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
