How'd it feel making her break her religion?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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