is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
