Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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