Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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