do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
