her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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