how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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