she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
