Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
