i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
do nipples grow back?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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