college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
