I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
