I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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