I wish my penis had an off switch
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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