don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
