god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
