Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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