I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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