I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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