I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
