the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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