i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
