I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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