I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
