If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
