I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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